Truth

Finally, went to N.Y with my boys, long flight. My mom was not ready for the babies really, but handled it pretty well. I got breakfast in bed! :) Arsal got bored though. Stuck in the cold nasty weather in a 2 bedroom apt. Thank God, they had the Noggin channel.
I had a good time with ammu on the 31st. This is how it happened, she had been asking me to take her to IKEA and I really did not want to drive that far with the babies, on top of it she keeps on telling me about her friends who I never met and really, don’t care about, at least not now! Joy did not even call once that we reached safe. Then he called the next day once, because he forgot the gate code of our house. Anyways, so I made sanju sit for Arsal and Shattik for an hr so I could go to Jackson heights, ammu said she would come with me, and meanwhile, my friend, the ANGEL, Ann, called and said she would pick us up. Ahh... amazing, i did not have to drive and look for parking .yay!
I only went to ISP. Spend about $500, bought a sari for ammu and me and a salwar kameez for my sitter. Then went to another store and ma shopped for herself and bought me a salwar kameez. Anything I chose was above $500~ anyways, then as usual, I got hungry! ammu took Ann and I to Kabab king. We ate lamb tikka and chicken tikka, Ann made a lot of effort so ma and I would have a good time. I really enjoyed that time. It was like years before again. Only flaw was sanju's numerous phone calls, arsal and shattik both started crying, so he kept on calling me to come back. Other than that, it was fun! she introduced me to the waiters," My daughter, she is a doctor and her friend is too...." . I kept on laughing, she would not stop. I think the whole restaurant knew
we were docs. :) Finally, ammu bought some kabab for the night and we left for home.
31st moment was different this year. I cooked Quail and served with naan and Kabab. Joy called at 12:01, how I don't know.Because the phones were not working, I tried calling Geeta. By that time, I lost my voice, the 16 degree and continuous screaming at Arsal hit me finally, I suppose. He asked,” Are u ok? “ I know what he meant. No, we did not have the big party like we did all years. Ammu kept on asking about joy but forgot to give her the phone when he called.
Upol was not home with us this time; he and Afsana wished me new yr about at 11 cause lines would not work. Sanju and Saibal kept the promise and spent the 31st moment with us and then sanju left to meet his friends. I left at 430in the morning for the airport with the babies, Ann stayed as usual, helped me pack and get the kids ready. She worked about 16 hrs that day and no sleep. Isn't she an Angel? I wonder how a person can be so giving. Ade is so lucky to have a girl like Ann. I had a 2 hr layover in Dallas. Then, we finally made it to Tulsa. Joy did not come to the airport on time, also, no surprise. But he showed up with the escalade. I jumped in. Then asked," what is ur plan now?" he was annoyed by that question. Then he told me even though he wanted to stay in the house while I was gone, he stayed at Adil's place. Then he said," I have not eaten for 2 days". Then he blamed me for not bringing food from NY. I mean, I just had a 7 hr flight with 2 babies! I gave up. Stopped explaining how hard it was for me to really enjoy NY with shopping. I could not. Then went home, started cooking to feed this freak. He kept on watching TV. Shattik fell asleep when I got him the food. Then he brought the question "Can u write on a paper that u met with me and you want me in the house?” I told him "No, because I do not want you in the house unless you want us back. U should decide what you want." I can guarantee, joy did not like the khichuri I made, so he said, “fine I will leave,” and left the plate unfinished. So again argument, blames and pointing fingers at each other, how horrible wife I am and then I called Shagufta@1030pm. He changed his voice,” sister, I cannot talk. She started this, she is crazy". Of course, I am! I am always the bad one. That freak needs a big whip on his ass. I am on call. He did not even ask for visiting Shattik and Arsal. He calls to get his stupid check book when I am in the house. I told him to get it while I was having breakfast at IHOP with Arsal on Saturday, after coming back from my night shift. He did not show, he comes when I am home. Then aunty asked him to eat, so he did. I was gone at 6pm, he did not come. He does not care about his own sons. Today, I had to beg him to pay Arsal a visit, since its Sunday. He refused, then came and took Arsal to Chucke cheese while I was on my way to the hospital. Shagufta called me and said, Arsal cried for an hr seeing his father leave. Why is he such a monster? How can u leave your child crying and u r not even working? I miss my boys! Oh god, help so this night float rotation goes fast. I want to hold my babies and sleep with them.

Joy came to the airport to pick us up. I asked him whats next. I am going home so he cannot be home. He insisted not to say anything. Then we went home and he started whining about how he has not eaten in 2 days. I think he is lying all the time. Anyways, I am waiting for him to leave anyminute but he is on the couch , waatching tv as usual and then my mother calls and he talks to her on the phone for some time. My mom sent him $100 and he took it. OFcourse, he would because all he loves in his life is money.
Anywys, I cooked and he ate half way and then started to fight about me writing on a piece of paper that I wanted him back in this house.
I refused. He threatened to report me and get me in trouble. So I asked him to leave, he should not have been around. I lost my voice due to the cold and screaming at the boys in the flights during this trip. He made sure I get worse, as usual, started pointing fingers at me. " U called my mama, u emailed him that I do drugs. My mother called me" Ok how come there is always an issue? That stupid mother in law needs to leave me alone and take her retarded drug abuser alcoholic piece of junk away from my babies. Arsal started crying and I put him in his room. I fed my babies, gave both a bath and then put them to sleep at 1am. Shagufta came at 1030, and then left at midnight. She tried talking to joy but I think she did not understand anything joy was saying because she sees his other MADE up face which fools people. He was saying, " sister, I don't fight, she does.." what does it mean? He warned me before. He is so jealous that he can't even think right. He wants my babysitter to quit so when I go to work my babies will suffer. What kind of father is he? He went to casino and called me from there. He is betting all our money in casino. He lost 8 grand to my knowledge in one night. How much low does this freak has to go ? Should I have called the cops when he threatened me for the keys of the house? My land lord said he would help me with the lease. Oh God, I hope he disappears from our lives. He has neglected my babies since they were born and still is. I will never forgive Alamin for torturing my babies. Never ! God is watching and so am I .

This had been an interesting year. I started residency and it has been tough on my schedule with my babies. Joy has not been helping at all. I came home after 30 hr shift and he made sure I do not get any sleep and there is no food for me. Where, I always cooked and made sure there is food for Joy. He tells his parents bad things about me, his babies' mom. Finally, Alamin's real face came out. I took him to one my colleague's house warming party and he got drunk, passed out, ruined her new bathroom with his vomit and then I had to drive back with my babies, dropped the babies at the sitter's house at 930 so I can go and close the store at 10pm. Went there, with no clue how to close the store, mean while joy is passed out in the car. I called his friend, the previous owner and he finally picked up the phone , gave me the directions to close the door, nothing to do with the registrar, then I came back to pick both my boys at 11. Alamin came out of the car trying to puke at Shagufta's parking lot, she panicked , asked me to put him back to the car, cause if her husband had seen Joy like that, she could not work for us anymore. I managed to put him back , lost consciousness again.
Then I came home with Arsal only. I left Shattik with Shagufta, begged her, cause at 5am, I had to catch my shift and I was on call that Sunday. I took Arsal upstairs, put my boy to sleep and I hear moaning and screaming. So I run down to the basement, he is lying there, with vomit and blood tinged the carpet and he saw me. Started cursing at me, I gave him water and he could not drink it. Joy asked me to call the ambulance. I carried him to the 2nd floor from the basement; put him in Arsal’s room, prepared a bed first. I wonder how I did it! I called his friend, Adeel again and he came in 20 minutes with joy's other friend, Mohon and then saw him lying in Arsal's room with the bucket on the side. They left because Alamin passed out again. I left for work next morning after 4hrs when Shagufta came.
All I was asking for was “I am sorry; I should not have done this again". No apologies, he said, " This is who I am and u live with me as it is." We argued, fought, screamed and then last thing I remember he spit on my face when I was holding Shattik. Then he threatened me about teaching me lessons, pushed me, slapped me and left. Came back in 3 hrs and stood at the garage, I asked him to leave, he said he was going to call cops and get me arrested, I said, go ahead. He said, "Don’t tell me what to do, I will call and teach u the lesson bitch." Well, I called the cops from my cell and asked to send a policeman over. Since no one was hurt, it was not an emergency, so I had to catch my shift anyways, I left at 430 instead of 5, cause he kept on standing in the garage threatening me what he would do to me or not. On my way to the hospital, I saw those cops. They stopped me and I told them the situation and they suggested me to get a protective order and that is the only way he can stay away from me. I did not take the order; joy had been torturing me for years. Then next morning, he threatened me that he would get a restraining order so I cannot come back to my babies. Fault? “You left the babies with me, crying." I left at 530 in the morning to get to the hospital so I can start my shift. Did not stop there, he called again and made sure I understood what he said. I panicked. I rounded on my patients , then went to the court and got a protective order myself. That ticked everything ! Alamin loved it I think, cause he had a party on! Stayed at his friend's house, sent Adeel over to get his stuff from the house, I packed all things for him. I am such a loser, even I sent him food the nights when I came home and had time to cook. My landlord and land lady spoke to him and he agreed to give up alcohol and reconcile, so we had a meeting at Adeel's house. All I heard at that meeting was “Sabera needs to fix herself, she makes me hit her, she needs to change..." So I left since that was not going anywhere. Land lord asked me “Would you take the protective order away and let him in the house for the kids’ sake?” My answer was" I need time" and I came home to my babies. His mother called me nov5th and cursed my entire family out and said she was going to send me to jail, take away my babies and did not let me even say anything and so I hung up. Next thing I know, Adeel called and said, hey u cursed at alamin's mother? Wow, that tells me how much that lady wanted her son to stay married. That adds the last 11 years of torture and lies from her side as well. No wonder, Alamin turned this way! He is just his mother's reflection.
I felt great the month of November. No torture when I come home, yea, no sleep at night for the babies, but still, it was peaceful for him not being there, I did not have to worry about another drunk episode in my house. I wish things stopped there, it did not . I had too many court dates for my residency program to miss days for, so I got in to trouble. So my mother while trying to convince joy to come back to me, asked me to take him back and it would be for the babies. Yea, with my 2700/month, it’s like nothing. I pay Shagufta half of that salary. I could not add the rent, the food and the bills to my earning and I panicked. So when he called me on the 7th, I cried and I told him, I signed that divorce paper and he said after a long time , in a calm voice without cursing me out, " You can withdraw that. we can work this out, I will change. “I went on the 8th to the court; he did not appear because no coverage at his store shift, so lawyer asked me to make the order permanent. Silly me, I did not . I signed the divorce paper and got another date and moved the protective order. Lawyer told me the protective order stays till the next court date and I should really think about it. Well, 8th was the Eid, I came from work in the evening, tired and I asked joy if he were gonna come see the kids today; he said he does not know. Then at 11 he calls and said I am on my way, I told him, “babies are asleep and I am fixing to go to sleep as well." He said. “so ? I am on my way! " So I asked him not to ring the bell cause Arsal would wake up. He comes after midnight, 9th. And then he brings his alarm clock with him. I was half asleep, asked. “What are u doing?” He goes" what do u mean? I need to sleep;my shift is at 430! "
“Where are u sleeping?"
“what do u mean? on my bed! where else! "
So that was it, Alamin came back, as if nothing ever happened. Just another night him coming back from work. After that, I had calls and I was never home. Babysitter complaints again, “he leaves stuff on the sink; I cannot stay at night if he is home." but Alamin refuses to take care of the babies at night when I am gone. I found him screaming at my shattik again for waking up at 3 in the morning looking for his mother. I told him “You cannot do the same things over and over again and expect to stay here. If you cannot handle the kids, you should leave. “He screamed and yelled some more, then went to sleep. I took the baby back to Arsal's room. No sleep, I came to work. Day after day till the 19th. I went to court and removed the protective order, put the divorce on hold, and then came back to work. Joy called from work, “How did it go?" I told him about the protective order but did not mention the divorce at all. He came to see me at the hospital; I was starving, went to TeiKei and had sushi there. He was counting the alcohol on display and showing off how much he knows about those! “I drank almost all of them! “So 19th night, his friends came over and again drank in the house. I actually passed out on the couch,I was so tired from being up at night with the boys. Joy did not keep the babies, did not let me sleep and then I cooked dinner for them about at 930pm. Went to bed after a while with my boys, alamin was still with his friends.
Saturday, he really shows his real face. Got up early, made the breakfast and woke me up,” the pan cakes are getting stuck, help me with it. So I woke up and helped him finished the breakfast and I actually enjoyed that moment. After breakfast, went for a bike ride, came back at 430 , by that time arsal already went to sleep. I wanted to go out, well; he did not, so I went out myself, to get some shopping done for my folks in NY. “Can I have some money?” “I don’t have any money” he said. I argued for a bit, gave up and left. I come home 2 hrs later and find shattik crying, Arsal butt naked and my books all over the floor.
So I just said, “If u cannot handle the kids,.." Could not finish, what I wanted to say, which was" shagufta (my sitter) could have been here". Well, he jumped and started screaming that he had had it. I was the worst Bitch in this world, so I asked him to leave; he kept on cursing me out. Said, he never wanted to get back together, and he was out of here, all his things packed. Then hit of the moment, he pushed me, and I hit him on his back. He ran to the phone and called 911 " This is my chance Bitch, my turn, I had been waiting on this". So the cops got here, he said, I will see how it feels to get u arrested. And he goes “call ambulance, I am dying” I could see him laughing in his eyes, I mean this u can only see in movies. How can a person hate u that much? After living with u for 11 yrs, had babies and then, treat u like a dog, just because I became some thing despite his torture? Obviously, I started crying, I got nervous, I was carrying shattik, at that time, Arsal started crying. Well, cops came in 10 minutes, and he said, " come in officer, help me , she stabbed me. " I started defending myself, officer took him aside and I could hear him saying all he could say to get me arrested. Well, those 2 cops were the one who came on NOV4th and asked me to get a protective order, so when they walked in the house, first question was" y u took it away?" Well. I was dumb, did not listen to my lawyer, and trusted this monster thinking he really wanted us back. Well, cops did not arrest me, he had everything packed, he left and claimed that I had been sleeping with several people including all his friends and many other things. Summary: “U r a whore, u r a bitch, I have nothing to do with the kids, never wanted u back, u r the ugliest thing on the earth... blah blah blah". My sitter came and sat with me till midnight, cops left at 11pm. Joy's friend Adeel came and told me, and so what he called the cops, u did not get arrested so it does not matter. Then he called me the next day, I was post call, “where are u? I am sending police right now, to get u arrested! “ I mean. “ Is this a joke? Then he came again, inside my house” I need the key to the store.” I never saw any key laying around, he came and cursed me out so I told him to leave. He called again.. “ Listen bitch..” I said, “ u called to curse me out? “ He said” bitch, I am cursing, I am not threatening” so I hung up and then he called again, sitter picked up the phone and said” Leave her alone, she does not want to talk to you.” He threatened her that he would come with cops if I don’t give him the keys to the house. She said “Come with the cops. We are here. “Well, of course he did not come. Called again and I hung up the phone.
I am here at the hospital now, its Christmas. My Arsal had fever yesterday, I took my baby to the mall after work, got him some warm clothes. I went to my store to pick up some cash, Alamin was there, so I asked for money, he treats me like a dog. When he needed the money I gave him in one breath! $40,000 and he bought this place and does not even know me anymore! He told me he would never pay for child support and I cannot prove his income because he did not file tax this yr. I believe God watches over us and he is so evil, Allah gave up on him.
I just thought he would have waited a week at least, I always wondered why he never got his things back from that friend’s place. Because he planned on going back, this time he came prepared and took whatever he had left.
How come I still hope that I close my eyes and everything falls in to places? I always hated being alone and I am not alone anymore, I have my boys, my love of my life! God help us all.

Today is Friday. Joy had been gone for about 3 wks now. I don’t miss him, and I don’t want to either. I think I am at the point where I can get a banner on my marriage, stating “no regrets”. I tried and I really, truthfully tried to a perfect wife, mom and an intern. How can I not try? This was my dream of life. At the end of the day, I wanted to come home to a husband who would at least care that I was home. All I heard was whining, complaining and if I argue, got cursed at and then I curse back and then the last thing I remember, I got spit on my face. So, yea, I have no regrets. Nothing else to say. It feels good to close my heart when it’s been scarred for so long. My heart does not bleed any more. I have my two boys and that’s life for me now, and I will move on.

Yesterday, I wore a sari after a long time. Last time I wore one was last year, in April sometimes, I think. Joy was out with Arsal at a park and Shattik was taking a nap, so I put on a sari. My intention was to go out with Joy for dinner when he comes back. He came home and saw me, said nothing. I asked him, “How do I look?” He said, “Very nice”
That was not all. He ruined the moment. He did not want to take me out to dinner, blamed me for his friends for not inviting us. I lost it.. I just did not know what to feel actually. Then I thought, I really did not dress up for him, I did it for myself. I took my sari off, cried and screamed for ruining for my hopeful moment and asked for a divorce. He started calling me names when he saw me filling the form for the divorce. He said, “u used me all these years.” I should have laughed! How can I use this USELESS creature when he just used me for his personal entertainment, cosigning me to buy a motorcycle?
He never pays for anything for my personal use. Yes, he pays for our kids’ food, pays the rent. He DOES NOT pay for the childcare. WHY? Because, I am going for the residency, I am not home, so I need to take care of that part. BUT he would brag about how he is married to me and has contributed for my medical degree, which is a total FUCKING lie! But honestly, it felt awesome when I filled out that form! I could feel the taste of happiness just from that piece paper and have not even submitted it yet! One stamp away to my liberty with my children.

After a long time, I feel like writing today. Shattik may wake up any minute now from his evening nap and Arsal may start screaming for me. I just think that I am becoming a social withdrawn. Seems like years since the last time I had fun with friends. My family just shut me out of their lives for no reason, at least from my perspective. I guess, if I ever become rich and spend money on them, I might gain them back.. Honestly, it is disappointing how I do not even feel like being a part of them either. Shattik or Arsal is not even important to my mom or my brothers. My sons are the love of my life, my reason for still being alive. I cannot accept anyone who cannot love my sons.
Joy has become awfully busy at his store. I should have called it OUR store, but he prefers that his sole property, even though I invested a large amount in it. I guess, I had been looking for approvals just to accept me anywhere; even to my husband. Sometimes, I feel like running away and then these two just stops me from that wild dream. I still plan on leaving Joy, once I earn enough, I do not need to stay in a dysfunctional marriage. I need a person who will love me and appreciate what I do for him. What a waste of 11 years of pretending to happy with a man I never fell in love with. Oh God, why do I miss Imu so much? Is that a crime? I don’t think of him as my lover, I just miss his company. I miss how we used to take long walks by that beach, holding hands and talking over silly matters. I used to call him “heartless”, but I believe once I left him, I left my heart with him and now I miss him like my part is gone. I have lost him forever.

I found out last week that I am having another boy. I am not unhappy. Allah knows the best. Joy is expressionless as usual. But I celebrated the finding by dragging him to buy us Thai food for lunch. It was yummy! I think the C section will take place at the end of February. I am 19 wks now. Allah, I hope everything goes well with my sons.
I got some interviews this year. Thank God! Joy is not happy about me leaving Arsal with him for the interview trip. I cannot take Arsal, 2-3 stops each way to NY, no way~!
Arsal has become a monkey, like literally! He cannot stand or sit still. Actually, he does not sit at all! Only during sleep, he stops moving or breaking things. He figures out how to turn on and off TV, and unplug aquarium. What a nightmare! I hope the second one is gonna behave better.

Sometimes, I become speechless to people’s remarks. But above all, my mother beats them all. Tonight, I called her to wish her happy birthday, all she could tell me that she went some one’s house where the wife was in a residency program and she passed all the exams in one shot. “Very smart very smart, she did not even fail once!” she said.
I am shocked! I should not be… Who cares! I passed, that’s all it matters. And I came this far with only my own strength and God’s will. So even though she is ashamed of me, I am not. What has she done for herself? Jewelry and saris and I believe I did so much better than her! That’s my first step to success right there! I am doing well tonight!

It was good to talk to 2 of my best friends yesterday! Was like a bonus for me. First I spoke to UZ after so many months!! And then Tarana called in the evening. So lot of pressure went off.. ha ha .. esp when joy is being such a jerk ( usual) again!
What else happened? I applied for medicaid today. Arsal was running all over the places and screaming. Joy did not take time off... again.. usual.
It was weird when the Med Assist was drawing my blood. I felt dizzy and I could not look... hmm.. do I really wanna be a surgeon ever?
Same thing happened with Arsal. My first visit at the hospital , I went by myself. I guess this is the real deal for me.
Ammu is coming from Dhaka tonight, I just hope she got me some Amshotto.

Yesterday was the 10th year of our wedding! I worked in the morning and when I came back, Joy went to work.. usual day. I made him a card and Joy brought me flowers the night before. Anyhow, only Bennigan’s is opened that late, so when joy came home from work around 1130pm, we all went to that restaurant. Was not nice!! The waitress was really mean, did not take Adeel bhai’s order and we were waiting and waiting… and then she goes, “ I did not hear your order and the kitchen is closed, sorry.” I literally wanted to slap that bitch, but it was our anniversary so held my tongue and arms!! The bar got closed when we went in, so joy was pissed! I mean, with out alcohol, he does not think he has a meal which he can swallow…. How sad is that! But again, it was our 10th year of tolerating each other, so I agreed with him that we were back to a village..(he said mofosshol and adeel bhai got annoyed!). At the end of the dinner which we shared, joy left a tip of 50 cents for the waitress; I really wanted to see her face but had to come out because Arsal went to sleep. It really was horrible! We wanted to celebrate our anniversary and it was not nice at all. But oh well, we got home safe! And then I crashed on the couch watching Weeds….

What a week! Arsal had been sick for last 2 days, diarrhea and fever.He woke up 330 in the morning the day we got back from Dallas, and he had been sick since then. Today, he was crying in pain; he is so sore… I took him to the doctor today. Thank God, Adil bhai gave us a ride. I can’t even drive; my license is suspended for the stupid Oklahomans’ error!
This past weekend we spent in Dallas at joy’s brother’s house, boring as usual. His parents were not even talking me, but when Joy was around some times, they would put some words. I went to the show on Sunday, apparently, I missed their Milad, when I came back from the show, his mother was giving me attitude. Why does not she get it after 10 years that I do what I do? Then she was saying how we all need to be Islamic, Lady are u forgetting that my mother is a singer? Ignorant oldies! They need to renew their minds, I am not kidding.

End of July was busy for me.. Lots of things kept on happening. First, I found out that I was pregnant, again! Joy and I were both surprised, but we left it there. I guess, I should be happy, any one I talk to recently, want to but can’t conceive.
Then, I went to Dallas last week, stayed at Geeta’s house. It was fun! Arsal enjoyed Nemo’s ( geetu’s puppy)company, so I got some break. We went to La Madeline the day of our flight back to Tulsa. We lost track of time once we started eating there… good old days! We planned Geeta’s wedding the whole weekend; every plan works, only the groom is missing. So she is on the case!
Yesterday, we got a kitten. The restaurant next to Challete had so many of them! Joy wanted a male one, so we got a male kitty; but today we took it to the Vet for shots, and it is a female. So I named her Maya. Half of today, we called her Noah. Joy is a little disappointed, but oh well, I love girls! I am crossing my finger this time, let’s all pray!

It’s been a week that I am feeling sick. I feel nauseous all the time, no energy. But I have good appetite. I was craving for pizza last night and oh my god, I had to have it. I drove around for half an hour to locate the pizza hut. Joy was pissed though! He just came from work, tired and I made him come with me!
Arsal is also getting so out of control! He hates food, but eats anything off the floor. What kind of psychoanalysis it that!
Amar kichhu bhalo lage na. Life is not going anywhere!

This trip to NY was interesting this time. I went with Arsal and Joy but then Joy had to come back after 2 nights. Sounds weird, but I did not feel welcome at my parent’s place to stay with Arsal this time. Upol was busy with work, could not even spend any time with me. Afsana was busy with her finals.Ammu had her functions and Sanjay was never home. Saibu was on the computer all the time. Basically, no one gave a damn that we were there. On father’s day; I cooked at ammu’s place. They loved the food, as they said!! I baked Salmon, made some zucchinis and crab soup and Ann was nice enough to make shrimp rolls; they were so yummy!!
Ann and I decided to go to Vermont that Sunday night. Reached there in the morning, like 530 am. Arsal was asleep by that time. We took a few hours nap and Ann was up as usual before me, checked in the hotel officially and found out they did not have any stove for that particular room. Well, luckily, the next room was available, which happened to be the Queen Suite, and had a full kitchen in it. I rented that for 2 nights because I already shopped about $175 of groceries. Don’t ask, I panic when I figure I would be stuck some where with out a car. Ann spent the whole day with us in Vermont and even next day. We went to a restaurant in Woodstock, was really nice place. There was a nice little creek running underneath the place. It was beautiful. Arsal and Ann went in the water, made some videos of that. Next morning was the best!! Ahh.. I had my first deep tissue massage. Ann baby sat for me and it was awesome!! Had my first Spa treat, too bad, the facial lady was not available. We went to the Wildflower farm after that in the evening. Ann brought some left over from the night before for me, and I had it in the car. The farm was not in full bloom so admissions were free. Can u beat this trip?? So I bought like 16 types of wildflower seeds. Came back to the room and took Arsal to the pool. My Arsu went crazy in the water; he would not want to come out and had to basically fight him off water! I cooked that evening since we were checking out the next morning. Ann enjoyed the food. And this girl took off at 1am to get to her 6 am lecture! Well, she made it!
Next day Arsal and I went to the play ground and Arsal got on the swing with me. He figured out how to climb up the slide, finally~ and he made the mini golf court his playground. Only thing was the bad reception in this trip. Other than that, it was really nice. God’s creation is so beautiful and breathtaking. I don’t think I captured it all in my videos or pictures; just memories.
Ann came back a day after, and we left for NY. It was pouring but we got to NY safe. Had dinner at ammu’s place and came to Ann’s to sleep. Woke up early and had breakfast at Bulbuli’s; parata, chicken, shemai. Khub moja chhilo! Then went to Jackson heights and spent $300 in 25 minutes! I am so bad!! By the way, joy left one of his credit card with me by mistake and I happened to use one of it by MISTAKE, honest!! I am just waiting till he finds out about the bill and starts screaming!! Oh well, why did not he come to my graduation?:P
Arsal and I rode first class this time. Pajita was running all over the plane! I was worried about my scores since it was due this week. I got home and opened my letter. I passed! It topped every thing! I could not believe myself, the nightmare is over. Finally, I am an MD!!

Today was my first graduation ceremony. I have never been to one and it was wonderful.
I arranged 5 tkts for the ceremony. It was beautiful and felt good. Bul phupi went there exactly on time and ofcourse joy did not show up; and she would not miss this day anyhow; and so she convinced the security card, almost cried and got inside with out the ticket! My girlfriend Ann gave me a ride to the Lincoln center in the morning and was driving back and forth all day.I felt so bad for her.Still joy could not make it, I donot know the excuse and I dont care. I wished Arsal were there though. One day, inshallah, he will be there once I do my graduation after residency,my son would be big enough to declare his wish to be there then! ha ha . Well, buli, Ann, Arsal ( with joy) and I went to Tangra masala for lunch. It was good. Buli phupi took so many pics on her phone. It felt awesome that she cares, and she showed up.
Well, ammu woke up at 11 and then the ceremony was over. I did not say a word and it is killing her. I am acting normal and its killing joy, cause he continiously is trying to blame me for leaving Arsal with him. By the way, who is the father again? For one day, I leave Arsal with him and he is complaining already! He overslept , made me missed my flight on thursday when graduation was on friday. I did not complain, took the stand bys and made it to NY 12 hours later and I am not surprised anymore. Thanks Allah, for this mental strength. I crossed my own barrier.

I am going to ny this 14th. I needed a break, well, we will see how it goes there. NY is a drama city for me! Always some climax.. he he.. as long as I am just a watcher, I don't mind. Actually, I had been getting good vibes from ammu and upol, so I guess it would not hurt to bother them for a week. On top of it , I wanna be back with some memories, inshallah.

We went to Dallas this past Thursday. Pretty much, arsal and I stayed at his brother's house. Joy thought he lost his keys and really damaged the rental car with all kind of possible instruments foisal and he used to open the doors with. Finally, at the end of the day his brother found it between the cushions of their couch. Oh well, too bad!
We got home about an hour ago. No halal store here with beef, so we got about 20lbs of beef and a LOTTTTTA chicken. So we should be good for a while with deshi grocery.
ok, its 130 and I am really sleepy from the ride. Nothing interesting happened during this trip. Well, atleast I got to meet Shayema before we left Dallas. That was nice. I wanted to see the house in NRH; that never happened cause of the time restraint. All good, all good.

It was my second mother’s day yesterday. First one, I was in NY with Arsal and Joy was here, no wish, no card nothing.. So of course I expected him to make up for ruining my first one. All I wanted was a card signed as Arsal and a rose. Oh well, in the evening he was still sitting on the couch, so I said, “lets eat out tonight” and he was like WHY. Well, its mother’s day. So we went to this Japanese place, really nice, aquarium on the floor, with Hibachi, Arsal had a blast! Especially when the fire play was on! The food was so good, even my picky Arsal ate vegetables!
Anyhow, when we were about to leave, the waiter brought me a beautiful one long stemmed rose. So I got my flower. I was happy, and this was my mother’s day.

I woke up in a really crappy mood today! I heard Arsal talking on the phone with her dadi, I guess, that made it! Then, I took shower, a really long one and then thought of coming upstairs to study. Well , joy was sitting at my desk,and what pissed me off even more was when he said he was gonna be out all day. Today, the babysitter is off because Joy is off. Can't he be a little supportive of this exam EVER? I have 11 days!

ok , I admit I am addicted to this channel. The presentations are so nice and yummy! Even Arsal watches it with me now. But everytime I wanna make something out of their recipes ,comes out yukky, so I gotta watch the food and feed my eyes instead of my stomach.